I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
