I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
