I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
