your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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