you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
