She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
