i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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