My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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