I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
