you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
