I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
