It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
