Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
