Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
