Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
