Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
