three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
