Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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