im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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