did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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