I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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