How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
