You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
