she was so not down for the gang bang
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you would pick up someone in the library
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
