Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
