He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
