WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
