the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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