This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
