i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
