I wish I could punch you in the face.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think i have two assholes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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