I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
