1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
