you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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