I am in a vortex of obligation.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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