Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
