I seem to have left my pride at pride
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
