i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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