i just wanna soil my oats bro
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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