i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
