did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
