I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
