Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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