I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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