It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
