On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
