And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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