idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
