Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
