I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
two words: eviction party
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
